Learning from Esther ( A Gift for Singles)

“Before a girl’s turn came to go in to King Xerxes, she had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women, six months in oil of myrrh and six with perfumes and cosmetics. And this is how she would go to the king...”
Esther 2:12-13

I have always been amazed at the preparation Esther went through before she was able to come before King Xerxes. Would any of us want to go through twelve months of treatments before meeting the man of our dreams? Probably not.

As Esther had to be prepared before she could be a queen, woman must be prepared before she can fulfill the most important and difficult callings in life - marriage and motherhood. Esther had to learn the ways of the kingdom, intellectual, and emotional challenges of high position before she could wear the title. In the same way, the single Christian woman must learn the ways of the Kingdom of Heaven before she meet someone that God is preparing for her. She must be prepared intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.

Singleness is not a waste of time, but a time that God has set aside especially for us, to make us become what He wants to be, and to use us in ways that might be impossible after a relationship. Singleness is a time to cultivate character, so that we can offer to our future partner more than just a pretty face.

It is a wonderful thing when God blesses us with a partner. That special someone who is “just perfect” in that he/she has been carefully and thoughtfully designed by God.
By no means is it a tragedy to be a single, but the world continuously says that it is. One of the lies is that if you do not “have someone” or are not “actively looking”, there is something wrong with you. You should not be looking for the man of your choice, but should be waiting on the man of God’s choice. And when he/she comes, it will not be past experiences that will make your relationship work, but past purity, and godliness.

God knows exactly what you need and He even knows the desires of your heart better than you do. God loves surprises. He does not want you to be looking for your partner, He wants to bring him/her to you, and probably at a time you least expect it. If you disobey this advice, as so many people before you, and take it upon yourself to look for a mate, you may find someone, but someone you find will not be the right one.

As human, our nature desires the companionship of opposite gender. This is from God and therefore good. But at the same time, we are wrong to think that death will be the result if this need is not fulfilled. We can survive without companionship, at least until God has done His perfect work in us. Remember, God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.

There are two primary reasons why someone desperately needs someone else. First, it is because we do not know God as we should. Is God not the God of all comfort? Then why do we complain about how lonely we feel? If we seek to be attached because we feel that a partner will fill our lives or will make us complete, we will be disappointed . If we are not filled by God now and complete in Christ in the present, then not even a marriage will able to change our emptiness.

The second reason for desperately needing someone in our lives is selfishness. When we need someone to feel loved, then we are wanting relationship for wrong reasons. Relationship should not be looked upon as an opportunity to get our needs met, but as an opportunity to meet the needs of another. If we have not learned to take our own needs to God, then we will probably overwhelm our partners with our needs and unaware of his.
Dear friends, being single, like being attached should be considered a very special and enjoyable time in God. Being single is a time to learn of God and of ourselves, a time to discover who we are in Christ, and to grow in Christlikeness. It is a time to invovle in good works and ministry to others. Being single has a magic of its own that should be enjoyed in its time because once passed it may not return.

Every season in life has a beauty of its own. My prayer for all single Christians is that we might enjoy our time. That we might be demanding and not settle for anything less than the perfect will of God. That we might wait patiently on God who is the giver of every good and perfect gift.