A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said : 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.'
'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'
Bartender: 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'
Pirate: 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.'
Bartender: 'Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?'
Pirate: 'We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really...'
Bartender: 'What about that eye patch?'
Pirate: 'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them s**t in my eye.'
Bartender: 'You're kidding, you lost an eye just from bird s**t?'
Pirate: 'It was my first day with the hook.'
It was the first day of school:
TEACHER: Hi there what is your name?
KID: I don't know.
TEACHER: Well I don't usually give homework on the first day, but go home and find what your name is.
AT HOME IN THE KITCHEN:
KID: Mom what is my name?
MOM, COOKING: Shut up and leave me a lone.
KID: Brother what is my name?
BROTHER ON BATMAN GAME: DUNNA Batman!
IN SISTER"S ROOM:
KID: Sister what is my name?
SISTER WHO IS SINGING: Thats the way haha i like it!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST:
KID: Dad what is my name?
DAD IN BATHROOM SINGING: 50 rolls of toilet paper!
NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL:
TEACHER: So what's your name?
KID: Shut up and leave me alone.
KID: Dunna Batman!
TEACHER: Do you want detention for that?
KID: Thats the way haha i like it!
TEACHER: What do you want from me?
KID: 50 rolls of toilet paper!